You Can’t Please Everyone

Excerpt from Tripadvisor (Disclaimer — any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is totally coincidental)

Photo by Terrye Turpin (not the Farrago Hotel)

MelanieH1984 –

I have to say, my recent stay at the Farrago Hotel was a huge disappointment. My husband Arthur booked the Extended Weekend Escape package for me, and if anyone else is actually happy with this place I hate to think what they’re escaping from. Maybe a maximum-security prison?

I did appreciate the complimentary cask of amontillado left at my bedside, but I turned down the midnight cellar tour and wine tasting as it was past my bedtime. Why are all their amenities only open at night? The hotel brochure we received in the mail listed a spa, but when I arrived at the place the only services offered were bloodletting and something called “hot stoning.” And even though awesome prizes were promised, I never ventured to the ballroom for the nightly lottery.

The air conditioning in my room did not work. I spent the entire weekend in misery. I complained to the housekeeper (I think her name was Alice) and she smiled and nodded, but nothing ever got fixed. I could have been switched to another room, the one across the hall constantly gave off a draught of cool air under the door. I would have asked for that one except for the cloud of ammonia that came from it. I don’t know what Alice uses to disinfect the rooms, but she could probably use a lighter hand with it.

The walls in this hotel are paper thin, I could hear every moan and scream coming from the couple next door. I think they were on their honeymoon, but thankfully the commotion died down after the first night. I called the front desk to complain when they started in with the yelling, but the person answering kept muttering “Cthulhu, Cthulhu” so I gave up. If you’re going to hire people to work in customer service they should at least speak English.

The only bright spot in the entire weekend came when the chef, Mr. Wiley made up a special dish for me. My little dog Willie (short for Willard) went missing the first day and Mr. Wiley personally served me a nice meaty stew for dinner that evening. I never travel without Willie and I was certainly distraught when he vanished. But, he showed up the next day covered in mud, twigs, and crushed leaves. He hasn’t been the same dog since, he skulks around growling and staring at me.

I cut my visit short and Arthur was understandably vexed to see me arrive home a day early. “The money I paid, you’d think they could do one simple thing right!” he said. He encouraged me to try another visit, saying he would “go down there and take care of things himself if he had to.” I declined, even if the Farrago Hotel offers a full refund I won’t be back. I’m leaving this review to make sure others don’t make the same mistake.

Novelia Kepler, Hotel Manager at Farrago Hotel responded to this review–

Melanie, I am sorry our hotel did not live up to your expectations. We strive to provide every guest a memorable experience. In fact, many of our visitors never leave! I have been in contact with your husband and issued a full refund for your stay and I am sending a voucher that can be used at a variety of properties that might more fully meet his needs. I suggest the Overlook Hotel or the lovely bed and breakfast at Hill House.

© 2018 Terrye Turpin

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