Photo by the Author I dumped a shovel of dirt over the body. The corpse in question, a dead rat, stared at me with a glazed eye before I covered it with a quart of potting soil. Miracle Grow, guaranteed for beautiful blooms. I hope nothing sprouts from this planting. The rat expired less than … Continue reading A Lovely Home with a Wonderful View
Category: Humor
Here We Go A-Wandering
Photo by the author - Ammonite fossil on the hiking trail at Cleburne State Park, Texas There are times when you just have to go somewhere. I imagine every unmasked stranger carries not just Covid-19, but some alien spore that will launch from their chest like a special effect in a John Carpenter movie. We … Continue reading Here We Go A-Wandering
Did I Say That Out Loud?
Photo by the author My husband Andrew and I have both been working from home the past few weeks. There have been some adjustments related to space. We’ve agreed all pooping is to take place in the bathroom farthest from where our desks are set up. It’s funny the things you notice when you spend … Continue reading Did I Say That Out Loud?
Freaks at the Fair
When I was seven years old, my parents lost me at the State Fair of Texas. Their last sight of me, I’d slipped into a crowd of folks shuffling into a garish tent on the midway. I imagine them watching as I stood in line, my hair done up in twin pony-tails in the style … Continue reading Freaks at the Fair
The Onion Capitol
The places we visit are never as perfect as they are in our memory. My grandmother’s house in Farmersville, Texas no longer exists. A remodeled version of the Dairy Queen I visited as a barefoot child sits beside the highway and still serves up chocolate dipped cones and cheeseburgers. You can see the Dairy Queen … Continue reading The Onion Capitol
How Sweet It Is
Photo by the Author We didn’t need twenty-five pounds of sugar, but I felt a small thrill of satisfaction as I lifted the plastic bag onto my cart. The sensation could have been a stab of pain from hefting the heavy sack. “What will we do with that much sugar?” My husband, Andrew asked. “I’ll … Continue reading How Sweet It Is
Whistle Britches
Andrew and I were wandering through the clearance section in men’s clothing at Macy’s when we spotted them. A row of corduroy pants in vivid orange and royal blue. “No one wants the whistle britches,” Andrew commented. “Do you think they have my size?” I asked. I love a bargain. “Please, no.” Andrew does not … Continue reading Whistle Britches
Give me Rockets Like Flowers
I am not especially patriotic, but I love a good fireworks display. I’m not sure how I came to this attraction to all things bright and sparkly. It isn’t nostalgia. The only fireworks I remember in my childhood involved a car trip with my parents down a deserted country road. We stopped outside the city … Continue reading Give me Rockets Like Flowers
Don’t Fence Me In Wichita Falls
My fiance, Andrew, loves Wichita Falls. We drove up there this weekend and he pitched an earnest plea for us to buy his childhood home. Besides the lack of a down payment, I was not swayed by the quaint architecture or the quiet neighborhood. "They had Fox News playing in the hotel dining room," I … Continue reading Don’t Fence Me In Wichita Falls
Why is Facebook Trying to Sell Me Funeral Potatoes?
This showed up in my Facebook feed the other night. Of course I clicked on the link and checked them out on the Walmart website. The back of the package states "Potatoes to die for" but I hope they don't mean that literally. You can buy a casket online from Walmart and opt for overnight … Continue reading Why is Facebook Trying to Sell Me Funeral Potatoes?
Let's Get Out of Here 