An inheritance of creepy things

I’ve been listening to the audiobook for Grady Hendrix’s novel How to Sell a Haunted House. I have a signed copy of this book somewhere on my bookcase, but I hadn’t gotten around to reading the physical copy. In order to reduce my To Be Read list, I’ve resorted to audiobooks.

The story is about a brother and sister – Louise and Mark – who have to clear out their parent’s home after their death. “Gee Terrye, that sounds like a depressing read.” Yes, it could be, but the parents were sort of hoarders and the mom left behind a huge collection of dolls and puppets. And the puppets and dolls are haunted.

Somehow Louise and Mark must reconcile their past and clear out the house in order to sell it.

Reading the story I can’t help but picture the hundreds of books and movies my husband and I have accumulated. Add in the puzzles, board games, closets full of clothing, and two china cabinets full of pottery and it will make for a hell of an estate sale when we kick off. I also have dolls, but none of them are haunted. Yet.

I don’t own the doll above, or any of these pictured below, although there are a couple that I do regret not buying. Can you guess which ones?

I do love encountering these creepy dolls in the stores we visit. Taking their picture is almost as satisfying as buying them and bringing them home.

Not just one potentially possessed toy, but a whole suitcase. Who could resist? Me, that’s who.

Even Saint Nick has an evil side. Maybe he just needs some love, or someone to murder. Don’t leave out cookies for this guy.

This fellow looks like he’s climbing over that pile so he can jump right in your arms. He also looks like he’s been to one to many raves.

No. Just no. I can’t even look at this photo for longer than a minute.

Here’s a story waiting to be written – revenge of the abandoned bride (doll).

Not a doll but pretty cool. Goodnight Irene.

It’s difficult but not impossible to be frightened by Captain Kangaroo.

This one is life-sized. Bwa ha ha ha ha.

What is going on here? This child-size wheelchair is spooky enough, it reminds me of the 1980 movie The Changeling. Add in this life-sized toddler and her baby brother/sister and there’s a plot twist.

Why did the antique shop pose this guy with the Chemistry Lab? And what is he wearing? Why is his hand so tiny? His expression says he has been disappointed by everything in life.

Whoever invented those doll eyes and that open and close, please know you have inspired so many nightmares.

Another monkey. This one has shoes and a shirt but no pants. His half-naked state makes that grin so ominous. Also, why is half-dressed so much weirder than being completely unclothed? Is he naked if he’s covered in fur?

Here’s some friends just hanging out.

She looks like she’s rather be anywhere but here, with that screaming baby next to her.

I wonder about the people who owned these things. Did they have a special place in their home? How did they end up in dusty antique stores, next to framed portraits of someone’s grandmother? Were they there at the end, when the people who loved them were no longer around?

Imagine the horror inspired when the relatives gather round the patriarchs and matriarchs and hear them say, “Someday all this will be yours.”