I Can’t See You Because the Light is On

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Dear Gables Residential Services:

Thank you for installing the security light across the courtyard from my apartment. I feel so much more safe now, especially when I get up in the night to go to the bathroom or get a drink of water. The 1 million candle watt bulb you placed in the device illuminates my apartment so well that not only do I not have to turn on a lamp when I get up, I have to be sure to apply sunscreen before I go to bed.

I tried installing black out curtains in my bedroom, and they mostly work, except when the fabric gets pushed to the side. Then I’m awakened by a bright shaft of light hitting me square on the face, usually about the same time the late night freight train comes wailing past our complex.

When the light was first installed, I had a moment of disorientation when the timer kicked it on around 2:00 a.m. I woke up and thought I was somehow in the middle of a prison break, and expected to hear the clanging of alarm bells. I swear I saw my downstairs neighbor hop over the fence around the pool and take cover in the landscaping.

But I can rest assured that no one scaling the wall outside my apartment will go unnoticed, since the light shines directly vertical onto my building, leaving the ground below in comforting darkness.

If anyone did manage to break into my living room, the light is bright enough that they will see how to disconnect my television without a flashlight; which I won’t notice anyway, since I have taken to sleeping in my closet.

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